When I give my seminars for writing your own personal wedding vows, I take it as a success if a couple decides that they are not compatible enough to follow through with their wedding.

Truthfully, it hasn’t happened yet, but it could and is probably only a matter of time.

What I want to share with you today is some material I heard from a marriage coach on a TV show that I listened in on too late to get everything. She was talking about the 7 questions to ask yourselves when it comes to whether or not you are compatible.

I only got 5. But these five are still very important. Here they are:

1. Have I set my own separate identity? Do you have other friends and activities outside the relationship that give you a strong sense of self. Times have changed. It used to be that a woman married her husband and took on his identity and his dreams and goals. It’s vastly different these days.
2. Are your financial personalities compatible? How do you handle money? Is one of you a spender and the other a saver? How do you handle debt? Who pays the bills? All these are questions that should be answered early on.
3. What are your goals and your career aspirations? Do you both want children? Will someone stay home with them? Who? If the opportunity came up would you move somewhere else if you didn’t know anyone there?
4. What are your spiritual needs? What is the role of religion in your life?
5. Are your ideas of fun compatible? Does your partner like physical activities like backpacking and you would rather go to the movies? Is your partner a sportsaholic and you don’t care who is playing what or where or when? Does you partner like to engage in activities like golf but you aren’t interested.

That’s the end of my notes. I’m going to add two of my own. These are questions that I have my couples spend some time with at the seminars and when getting ready to write their own personal wedding or marriage or commitment.

6. What are your values? Values are more than not lying and cheating. Some of them you will have covered in the above questions. Here are a few to think about: money, sex, self acceptance, religion and spirituality, competition, community, extended family, team work, knwledge, loyalty, beauty, philanthropy, etc. On a score of 1-10, how do you rate the importance of each topic?

Here is a quote from the 10 Commandments of Marriage: Commandment #1-Honor Yourself- “When you hold yourself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise your values you can trust other people, your partner, and the universe at large. it’s the basis for everything else that defines your life.” (Go to the wedding vow eBook page link and follow the link for a totally free copy of 10 Commandments or go to www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com )

7. What makes you come alive? What do you love? Here’s a quote by Howard Thurston, “Do not ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and then go out and do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” When you are loving what you do then life is a whole lot easier.

A lot to chew on, isn’t it? Take it all a bite at a time. Print out this article and then take one question at a time.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it.

www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

I was thinking last night, after listening to the vice president candidate for the Republican Party, Sarah Palin, about how the format of electoral speeches is a bit like the format for writing wedding or marriage vows.

There seems to be three main parts to the speech.

1. Who am I, where did I come from and what do I stand for

2. What is the dream I’m trying to sell you on

3. This is what I’m willing to do to make that dream come true

Let’s see how this translates into the writing of your vows.

Let’s start with ‘who I am.’ You could write something like this: “I am the most lucky woman in the world to be marrying my soul mate, my love, the light of my life. You have added a dimension to my life that I cherish. With you I have dreamed bigger than I ever thought I could and believed in myself with more passion than ever before.”

Then the dream. I suggest that to get the most out of your vows you sit down together and talk about the life you want to live together. (I give you more guidelines and idea generators in my Ebook, The Secret Life of Wedding Vows. See link at right.)

What are the elements that will make it an amazing life? What will it look like, feel like (as in a hand resting on your shoulder or holding hands), feel like (energy, passion, and comfort), taste like (late night spaghetti dinners by candlelight with wine after the kids are tucked tight in bed-if you want kids and have you talked about that?) sound like (lots of laughter, singing, encouraging conversation and affirmations), look like (where are you living, what are the ‘things’ that compliment your family). “We have created a dream that will give us the energy to keep striving for the best in ourselves and in each other. We have affirmed that we will seek to grow together, to keep our passion alive, to be models for our children and others and make a difference in the world.”

Next the promise. What are you willing to do to keep the dream alive? Some of the answer to this question has to do with your own sweet self. “I will love you by striving to grow and be healthy for both our sakes.” “I will honor who I am by living from my values and my integrity and be impeccable with my word.”

“I will love you by always making our relationship a priority in my life.” “I will love you be encouraging you to be successful in everything you do.” “I will promise to read our vows every day to keep the dream we have crafted alive and growing.”

That should just about do it for today.

Except for this. Political speeches usually seem to be pointing fingers at others and throwing cold water on who they are and what they are offering. That is not an option in your life.

You life is about supporting each other, building each other up when there are times your partner doesn’t know who they are or whether they are even living up to their own expectations of themselves.

Your life is about sometimes seeing more than is visible and continuing to affirm that the dream is alive and well!

Keep living the dream. Follow the RSS feed to sign up to receive postings as they appear.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach-Helping couples ‘live the dream.’

“Email me. I want to know what you’re thinking.” RevLinda@weddingvowsandceremonies.com

As a wedding vow coach, it was my job to not only write personal wedding ceremonies for the couples I married, I also to give advice on writing personal wedding or marriage vows. What I wanted my couples to do was to write the dream they had for themselves and for their marriage into those vows.

As time went on what I realized was that I wasn’t giving them guidelines for writing wedding or marriage vows but I was helping them to create a blueprint and foundation for a phenomenal relationship and partnership.

I was helping them to think bigger than they ever had before.

I was teaching them to ‘think out of the box.’

And I want you to begin thinking bigger than you ever have before about your marriage and partnership.

The box I’m referring to is about doing the same things over and over and over again. Most of us keep living out of our past. We don’t think for ourselves. We keep thinking and doing what we have experienced from other people.

Sometimes we make minute changes that are more like moving your chair from one corner of the room to another corner to get a better view but you’re still looking into the opposite corner.

Sooner or later in order for anything to change we have to get wake up, get conscious, make decisions, and leave the room.

I want you to think bigger than you ever have before about what you want for yourself and what you want for your marriage. How good could it be? Take out all the stops. Envision a BIG dream for how good it could be. What would like look like, feel like, etc. if you were ‘living the dream.’

That BIG dream needs to be affirmed in your wedding vows. Give voice to the dream. Then write in your vows what you are going to do to live that dream. What are you pledging to. What are you promising.

Then by affirming and reading and reading those vows over and over again you begin to take the steps, almost as if by magic, as you begin to live out of the box, living, moving and having your very being in that universal you claimed in your personal wedding vows.

Talk it out; play with it; imagine how amazing your life is going to be.

Here’s a metaphysical exercise that can be fun: The two of you have a conversation about some aspect of your life together that definitely seems like it might be almost impossible to achieve, and talk as though you are living it now.

What are you doing? What does it look like? What is your day like? This is ultimate creation stuff and pushes out the walls of known experience.

You have to live your dream in your imagination and step into it even before you can hold it in your hand! Then you begin to recognize parts of it all around you.

Those people, things, experiences, opportunities and ideas were always there but you couldn’t see them because you were stuck in your old ideas and beliefs.

If you want to live big, you have to begin by thinking BIG.

I dare you to dream a dream so big it scares the s___ out of you!

Check the RSS feed orange box to get updates from this blog. There is good stuff here.

I can help you to dream big in my Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF WEDDING VOWS-How to Write Vows that Create Powerful Marriages. www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping Couples write down the dream and them live it.

When you pledge your vows at your wedding ceremony you are not done with them. You are going to keep rereading them to pump the creative energy of the Universe into them and make them a Law of Attraction.

Keep that in mind when you write your personal wedding vows. I want you to put some substance into them. I want you to infuse them with a dream and a vivid vision for your marriage.

That means you are not going to write them just so they sound like some poet came to live with you for a week. Impressing your guests is the least of it. Because, when the ceremony is over no one is going to remember what you said.

Your vows are for the two of you. Period. If you write them together your vows reflect the dream you have for your lives and for your marriage.

“You remind me of the sun rising in the East on a clear morning,” may be poetic but it doesn’t MEAN ANYTHING!

Your vows have to mean something. They have to have some substance. They are the dream you have for your life together!

Because your marriage vows are the dream you have for your life together, you must write your vows together. Don’t go off into a dark corner and surprise your partner. Surprise is not good here. You want to literally be on the same page.

Sit down together and talk about the dream you have for yourself and your life together. First one of you shares the dream for your individual life apart from the marrriage. This is most likely your career. Then the other shares their dream. Then talk about the dream for your marriage. What does it look like, feel like, sound like, etc. Talk about sex, and money, and children, and religion or spirituality, about houses and cars, about travel, about philanthropy, and anything you can think about that will make up the reality and experience of the marriage.

(In my Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS-How to Write Vows that Create Powerful Marriages , I give you lots of help with this including a ‘living the dream’ workbook. See link on right-wedding vows)

Talk about what you will each do to help the other achieve their dream and talk about what you will have to do to keep ‘living the dream.’

That’s the basis of your vows. It’s not the vows yet. But the essence.

Now put what you talked about into written vows.

“I will love you by striving to grow and be healthy for both our sakes.”

“I vow to make our time together a priority in my life.”

“I promise to encourage your dreams and I promise to dream those dreams with you.”

“I promise never to go to bed angry.”

All these are great lines as long as you know what they mean.

Think BIG. Dream BIG. Live BIG!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping you to ‘Live the Dream”

I took the following from an Email from Joe Vitale. I felt it said very well what I have been trying to tell people about why you should write your own wedding or marriage vows.

He has a program he sells that he calls, Miracle Coaching, and he talks about the Law of Attraction, or Law of Cause and Effect. Or another way to put it is to say “You have to Decide.” You can check out his site at www.MrFire.com

“You are the masterpiece of your own life; you are the Michelangelo of your own life. The David that you are sculpting is your life (your marriage).

What does that mean and why is it important to you?

It means that you do not have any limits as to what you can accomplish. You just need to have a plan and work it. But it is all up to you.

So now that you know what you would dare, what you would dare to be and what you would dare to have if there were no limits - you are ahead of 99.9% of people.

“What would you dare” is another way of saying that the two of you sculpt the form of your marriage the way you want. Not the way anyone in your family lived. Not how anyone on TV lives. Of course there are some good role models you want to look at for what they have to teach you , but your dream is your dream!

Now you need to simply put together a plan to get here. Believe me when I say this is not rocket science. In fact, you may be surprised at it simplicity.

What can you dare? How big can you dream? That’s the simple part.

But, Rev. Linda, we have to face reality.

No, never. Make your own! That is what you do when you write your wedding vows together and infuse them with your dreams.

That dream is your PLAN. That dream written into your personal wedding vows is your P LAN! You will have infused it with your imagination, creativity and energy. That plan takes on a life of its own and goes to work immediately to bring you the sculpting tools, the ideas, the experiences that manifest as your amazing marriage and partnership.

I give you everything you need in order to begin to think ‘big’ and dare to dream a big dream in my Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF WEDDING VOWS-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages. Follow this link or the one on the right–wedding vows- www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com

Why don’t you sign up to receive new postings as I write them. Follow the RSS feed.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping you to ‘write the dream’ and then go and ‘live it.’

This may seem like a no brainer but I assure you it isn’t.

I did not grow up in a family that said “I love you.” Forget the once a day. We just didn’t say it.

I had to learn to think it and say it.

You know that old addage, ‘actions speak louder than words?’ Don’t you believe it when it comes to being able to express yourself through those three little words.

We want to be shown AND told.

You can forget or get so focused and busy that you forget to tell someone you love them. And they will accept that if you are showing love. Like remembering little things, or

I was reading a blog this morning about how writing personal wedding vows make a wedding even more special.

You can make you MARRIAGE even more special by writing your own vows!!

There is a little known secret about wedding vows: They have the potential to draw to a couple everything that they need to be ‘living the dream’ that they wrote into their vows. Their vows are sort of like a spiritual and mental plan that the Universe recognizes as a magnet and somehow sends the people, things, opportunities, experiences and ideas that support that plan.

But here’s some of what is needed to create that Law of Attraction or grow a strong magnet: The plan, the vows, have to be reread and reread and reread until they become ’second nature.’

There are a couple of ways this can be done.

1. Print out two copies of the vows and put one copy by each side of the bed to be read each night by each individual. Once a month read them together.

2. Print out one copy that stays in the bedroom and both partners read the vows together every night.

3. Both partners read the vows together every morning before they leave the house.

By reading those vows every day they become infused into the minds, lives and spiritual activities of the couple. I call that document a one page miracle. See more about ‘writing down the dream,’ and ‘keeping the dream alive,’ in other blogs.

www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda.

I love the idea of a couple choosing a flower that signifies their wedding or marriage or partnership vows. What if you, or whoever made the bed, put a silk flower on each pillow when the bed was made? That would be a very good visual reminder.

That way when you get back in bed at night you would have to look at that flower and remember the dream of your life together.

You wouldn’t necessarily say to yourself, “Oh, yes, this reminds me of the dream we created together.”

Mostly this would be almost subliminal. You will already have established the connection.

Now, if I could get you to read your vows every night that would be magic!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda

Changing the world one vow at a time!
www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Hello:

I have been spending hours and hours and hours learning about Internet Marketing.

It’s a science. The basics are specific and ordered. And although they change as new developments and software is developed, you still have to start with step one, and go to step two, etc.

There is room for creativity. What colors do I want, where do I want to put things, what are the words or the copy used on the site? It’s all developed within a software program that requires one to follow basic core rules (my term).

I’m likening this to your marriage. If you have taken time to create a vision and a dream for yourself and for your marriage, that is your core software. As time goes on you may find that some of what you designed and planned isn’t practical, but you start with a blueprint.

All along I’ve been pretty adamant that you can use your vows to be the power driver, both before the ceremony and after the ceremony.

So you set the blueprint as your Law of Attraction (see other blogs) and see and experience what is working.

In Internet Marketing one is always testing to see what works. That means getting people to your site and converting, selling, them what you have to offer them.

If people aren’t coming, or if they are coming and not buying, you start doing things differently. You keep the vision for what you want to happen, but you constantly tweek a little here and a little there until you begin to get the results you want.

Every product is a good product if the site and the copy and is set up for results.

So use your vows to set up the site, to create the vision for what is to happen within your marriage and partnerships, and keep tweeking, and making little changes (most changes only need to be little.). But don’t give up.

Keep reviewing your vows and keep asking the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you call it, to send you the ideas, people, opportunities and things that support your grand vision.

You’ll be surprised on how what you need shows up.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda

The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping change the world one vow at a time!

www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com

www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com/blog

One of the 10 Commandments of Marriage is to Never Go To Bed Angry. It’s a good line to add to your vows when writing your own vows. But the commandments are not the only resource to use that phrase.

I’ve been casually going through Wilfred Peterson’s poem, The Art of Marriage and today I want to talk about the line, “Never go to bed angry.”

I thought this idea was so important I put it into the 10 Commandments of Marriage. It’s #7. I’m going to move it up to #5 and follow it with ‘Do little things for each other.” and 8, “Go out on dates.” (You can get a free copy at my website) www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com )

The reason I’m moving it up in importance is that I realize that if you don’t clear the air before you go to sleep then it’s harder to do little things for each other the next day because there is a tension that interferes with your thinking.

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