When I was growing up the philosophy about raising children in my family did not subscribe to lifting morale.
It was about criticizing instead of praising.
I suspect that a lot of us grew up that way. If that was the way your family operated then that is the behaviors you will bring into your marriage. It’s important for you to be aware of how you point out faults or criticize each other.
It has been proven that the less we criticize and the more we praise, the more cooperative and successful people will become.
Here is a great story that points up why it’s important to praise and say ‘thank you” instead of criticize.
Years ago a group of brilliant young men at the University of Wisconsin met regularly to read and critique each other’s work.
They dissected each literary work into a hundred pieces. They were heartless, tough, and even mean in their criticism.
The women in the university started a club of their own., They, too, read their works to each other. But there was one great difference. The criticism was much softer, more positive, more encouraging. Sometimes, there was almost no criticism at all.
Every effort was encouraged.
Twenty years later, an alumnus of the university was doing a study of his classmates’ careers when he noticed a vast difference in the literary accomplishments of the two groups.
Of all the bright young men, not one had made a significant literary accomplishment of any kind.
From the women’s group six or more successful writers evolved.
The talent between the two was probably about the same and there wasn’t much difference in the level of education.
The difference was that the women were determined to lift each other up.
The men’s group created an atmosphere of contention and self doubt.
The women highlighted the best, the men the worst.
What a perfect example of how to kill morale and how to improve it.
Take this story into your relationship and pay attention to how you try to lift or depress each other.
If your family was more critical than lifting, then you probably are too.
You can change that by having a conversation and discussing the manner each of you approach criticism.
Then make a decision on how you are going to create an atmosphere that lifts each other up, strengthens your relationship, and keeps intimacy alive.
Pick up your totally free copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage. It’s totally free because it is my gift to you. 10 Commandments.
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda Bardes
The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
For more articles on writing down the dream and living it see the wedding vow blog at www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
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